Story about friendship – Neckbearded pimp suit guy

Hi, I’m Kay and today I will tell you how I met my best friend Alex. It all started this one morning, things were normal, I work at Walmart so basically all I’ve got to do is help granny’s find their vitamin gummy bears and stuff, it only gets hard when they start throwing on the floor but that’s very unusual.

So, there I was, pretty happy, doing my almost not paying job till this tall, chubby, blond guy dressed up in this white fancy suit with this white hat decorated with a lot of feathers came next to me and asked “Hi, do you have a small red velvet cake with white decorations?”

He was pretty specific and today there was this lady that came in the morning and bought basically every single dessert at the store (We are not a bakery so it’s not like there was a lot) and I completely polite told him, “Umm, yea I don’t think we have but let me check at the back.”

I was heading to the back door and this tall chubby guy would not stop following me. He started repeating a thousand times I had the cake and every single time he said it I felt like losing a cellular neuron. I repeated to him that I was going to look for it but he would not stop talking louder and louder till I could basically feel his breath in my neck and his shouts on my ear! So, I started walking faster and got locked at the back door. I searched for the dang cake for like an hour till I gave up and told him “I’m sorry but we don’t have one”.

After I said this, he started screaming saying stuff like “what kind of employee are you?” and “I bet you ate them all” Like- lets have in mind I was half of his body and it’s not my fault that lady bought them all! I lost my nerves and screamed, “No we don’t have it! Just leave!” The exact second I said that, I regretted it and not because he probably he did not deserve it (I mean I get it you know? He probably wanted to lay down in his bed and eat a cake while thinking why no one loves him, I’ve been there, I still am) but because his face turned from annoying to super creepy.

He started doing this weird noise which remined me of when a dog snores. He pushed me to the ground and yelled “I want my cake!”. I honestly felt like a mother going out with her little spoiled brat. Right now, I say it in the funniest way possible (yea that’s why I’m not a comedian) but back then I thought I was going to die. Everyone at the mall looked at this psychopath and got scared that at any moment he would pull out a gun and end with my life, that was going to be my legacy, the guy that died at Walmart for not finding a red velvet cake.

I was terrified and started screaming, there was this tall red haired with brown eyes skinny girl standing almost next to me. She went running and got security, they took the weird neckbearded guy away from the store and I was about to make her an altar. I thanked her, almost cried, she said that it was the right thing to do and bla bla bla.

You would think that that’s where the story ends but pimp suit guy had other ideas. Days went by and I was working, the girl was shopping and everyone was happy. That until I turned around and saw a little feather popping out the window, A LITTLE FEATHER. In matter of seconds this huge dude jumped on front of the mirror with a bat and I almost had a heart attack. He ran into the store and yelled “Where are those two rats?”

I assume the girl heard him because she started crying and screaming. I grabbed her hand and went to the janitor’s closet, locked the door, grabbed a broom (as if it was going to help) and started praying. The girl and I started talking, she told me her name was Alex, we got along pretty well and we ended up giving each other’s number (Just as friends). After about nine hours of being looked at the janitors closet the manager came and was like “Hi guys we’ve called the police, he isn’t coming back you can get out now”.

Even though it was a pretty traumatic experience, me and Alex got each other out of it and every now and then we can tell the story to our friends like an amazing anecdote so it was worth it.